


Nothing Anymore

by NalgeneWhore



Series: Elorcan One Shots [41]
Category: Throne of Glass Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Cheating, F/M, Miscommunication
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-16
Updated: 2020-02-16
Packaged: 2021-02-28 07:01:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22759681
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NalgeneWhore/pseuds/NalgeneWhore
Summary: im also on tumblr @nalgenewhore! (i post more regularly there)
Relationships: Elide Lochan/Lorcan Salvaterre
Series: Elorcan One Shots [41]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1636468
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	Nothing Anymore

“You can’t keep doing this, ok? I want to help you and you won’t let me!”

He snarled back at her, fury etched into every feature on his face and every line of his body, “I don’t need help, Elide, why can’t you understand that? I don’t want it, just stop, it’s so tiring.” He scrubbed at his eyes, his head pounding from this fight they had been having for what seemed like eternities. “I know you want to help, ok? I get that but I can’t keep having this same fight, it’s like every night we’re having this fight, Ellie!”

“Well, then maybe we should just stop having this fucking talk, Lorcan! What’s the point, you never listen, I don’t know why I still bother anyway,” her voice was tight and he looked up from his seat on the edge of her bed to see tears brimming in her eyes.

He was angry, so angry but he couldn’t help himself as he stood up and reached for her, to brush away her tears and tell her it was alright and he was sorry, so sorry. All he touched was a strand of her hair, silky smooth before she was backing away and wrapping her arms around herself, shielding herself from him. “Can you please go. I can’t do this anymore.”

“El—”

“Lorcan,” her breath hitched and she tilted her head back in an effort to stop the tears that spilled down her cheeks. “Please go home. I need time, ok?”

He nodded in a daze and went on autopilot as she stalked into the bathroom, grabbed his things and walked out of her room, his mind blank as he laced his Chucks up and quietly, so quietly shut the door behind him.

His mind was reeling as he rode the elevator down to the garage, knowing he had just completely ruined the most important thing in his life, his only reason to breathe and try every day. It was over and that knowledge threatened to wreck him.

He stalked to his truck, throwing his bag in the seat beside him as he rested his forehead on the steering wheel, a blunt pain pressing on his brain. He didn’t know how long he had stayed like that, not making a sound as the reality settled on him and eventually he couldn’t stand it, could not remain there, cursing his existence so he drove, tearing out of the garage and speeding through the streets of Orynth back to his place. He stopped outside the liquor store and bought enough to make the average person overdose on.

Lorcan was not the average person and didn’t want to be here anymore, not in this city with Elide ten minutes away, not by himself in his apartment, too quiet and cold without her. He would welcome darkness that came for him, would gladly let it take him far away.

The burn that accompanied the booze sliding down his throat was something he savoured, letting it be the only feeling he noticed, letting himself believe that the blinding pain in his chest was from the amber liquid.

Time passed by too slowly, like his life was anchored around this point, this heartbreak that made him feel as though his heart had actually cracked open. Lorcan fished his phone out of his pocket, his breath trembling when the picture staring back at him on his screen was of him and Elide, wrapped around each other as they slept on the couch, his face nuzzled into her neck as he dozed, completely relaxed against her. He remembered that day, recalled how comforting it had been to nap beside her, how he had never felt that at peace in his life.

He shook his head, unlocking his phone to see the same picture there. He tipped the bottle back to find it was empty and tossed it to the floor, not noticing the crash of glass on wood floors as he reached for another bottle, ripping off the top with his teeth and spitting the cork out. Lorcan drank deeply for several counts, his limbs feeling fuzzy as he opened up his contacts, his thumb hovering over Elide’s name before he scrolled down, not hesitating to press on the keypad, tapping a number he had sworn he would never call again.

He felt a twinge of remorse as he heard the dialing tone but it was wiped away when that cold, sensual, voice spoke, “Lorcan, is that you?”

He sighed, rubbing his temple as he placed the bottle on his coffee table, blocking the image of the night he had taken Elide there, neither of them patient enough to make it to his bedroom. “No games, M. Come over, yeah?”

For a second, she said nothing but he could nearly taste that cruel smile of hers, a viper’s delight. Her voice, like nails scraping down his spine, poured into his ear and he swallowed his cringe at it, “I could never say no to you, dear. I’ll see you in a few.” With that, she hung up and he fought the nausea that grew in the pit of his stomach by grabbing the bottle by the neck and consumed enough that he gagged when he slammed the bottle back down, his vision doubling as he tried to focus on his phone, so damned close to breaking and calling her, telling her how sorry he was and how much he needed her, about how he would be better, he would tell her that every day because she kept him going, she was the only bright spot in his gloomy actuality.

The buzzer rang and he stood, staggering to the wall, leaning against it as he squinted and aimed for the button, his words slurred, “Come in, M.”

“What, no groveling for me, my love? How I missed you these lonely months.”

“I said no games. I meant it.”

Maeve chuckled, an emotionless sound that sent shivers running through him. “You’re no fun anymore, Lorcan but fine.”

Lorcan growled and slammed the buzzer, shoving off the wall and falling onto the couch, throwing his arm over his eyes as he swore viciously. A few silent minutes passed until the door was opened and he shifted his arm to see his ex standing in the doorway, that heartless smile carved onto her face. He stayed silent as she closed the door shut and locked it, waltzing over to him. He sat up and she slid onto his lap, not one word passed between them before their lips were crushed together, battling for dominance as he fisted his hands through her long hair, tugging so that her pale, pale throat was bared to him and he attached his lips to it, nothing in their movements soft, only the burning passion of their hate for each other.

Her cold hands slipped under the hem of his shirt and he gasped slightly at the frigid feeling when she ripped the garment over his head, her nails digging into his shoulders. He snarled against her skin and ripped her silk shirt open, pressing biting kisses to the tops of her breasts, not gentle as he dragged his teeth over her chest, leaving red welts that were stark against her skin. Maeve chuckled low in her throat, the cruel sound melting into a gasp, the softest sound that would ever leave her lips when he pulled at her hair. There was a soft click, almost like the turn of a lock and it was enough for him to pull away, look up at the door to see Elide standing there, her eyes wide, something fracturing in them, “Lorcan?”

“El, it’s not,” he breathed, turning back to look up at Maeve’s face, Elide’s presence sobering him and he gasped, what had he done? She smirked and he looked away, in time to see Elide leave, her bag still on the floor where she had dropped it. Cursing he moved Maeve off, not kindly as she fell to the cushions but he paid no heed as he ran after Elide, catching up to her at the elevator. “El, it’s not what it looks like, I promise, please.”

She whirled, heartbreak clear on her face as tears streamed down her cheeks. “What it looks like is my boyfriend is cheating on me with his ex. Am I wrong?”

It was like she had punched him in the gut, “You broke up with me, El. I’m not your anything anymore.”

She gasped, more tears falling, some of them catching in her lashes, “Broke up with you? You think that was me breaking up with you?” Elide shook her head, walking backwards, “I told you I needed time, I wasn’t saying I didn’t want to be with you, I could never say that.”

He nearly fell to his knees, his breath knocked out of his lungs and he reached for her but she sidled out of his reach, “Ellie, I am so sorry, please, don’t go, we can talk about it, I promise it will never happen again, ok? I mean it, I love you so much.”

She shook her head, her brows furrowed, “You won’t do it ever again because this, us,” she gestured between them and he shook his head, close to begging. “It’s really over. We’re not together anymore, Lorcan.”

“Wait, you just said you could never say you didn’t want to be with me and now this?”

“I’m not saying I don’t want to be with you but I can’t be with someone who runs to their ex every time we have a fight, how could I trust you after this?” Elide backed up further, blindly reaching her hand back to hit the button for the elevator.

Tears stung his eyes and his heart clenched, “El, baby, please, I’m so sorry, I was drunk and I made a stupid mistake,” his breath hitched and the tears fell, streaming down his face as she sobbed and shook her head, pressing a hand to her throat. She closed her eyes and cried as the elevator doors opened and she walked into it, her arms wrapped around her as though if she didn’t do it, she would break apart.The doors slid shut and he sobbed, realizing how badly he had fucked up, how had he destroyed this perfect thing?

He staggered back to his apartment, glad that it was empty, glad that Maeve had left at some point. He slammed the door shut and leaned against it, sliding to the floor with his head in his hands, deep, soul-rendering sobs ripping from his throat.

He didn’t know how they had gotten here, didn’t know where it all went wrong, didn’t know why he had to take this beautiful, amazing thing and ruin it. When his tears had finally stopped, when he felt hollow and empty, when he couldn’t feel where the pain ended or started, he stood up, tucking it deep within, holding onto this pain. He padded into his room and crawled into bed, the sheets drenched in her elderberry and cinnamon scent, sweet and floral.

When he forgot what her body felt like, what her voice sounded like, when he couldn’t distinguish the memories of her from everything else, he would move on but now, now he would grieve, he would let himself give into this pain and hurt. It didn’t matter that he could never forget her, that he could never leave her in the past because as he let the soft abyss drag him away, he swore that he would spend the rest of his life finding a way to stop loving her. 

**Author's Note:**

> im also on tumblr @nalgenewhore! (i post more regularly there)


End file.
